Well looky there university acadmics, I just landed my first job with a six figure salary: as a Senior Test Engineer at a large electronics engineering company. We're going to be doing research and development on that 5G thingy that will be going into those new-fangled micro-computers you have in your pockets.
Meanwhile I'm still waiting for the day when I might get a job in academia in Australia. Almost 30 years later and still waiting for the career that goes nowhere to go somewhere. Like waiting for a train that never comes: standing on a drab empty railway platform, looking at the clock apprehensively while your life ebbs away.
Imagine if I was still back there in Canberra, Australia, the city with no industries or reason for existing, other than the indecisiveness of some aristocrats who couldn't decide on Sydney or Melbourne as the capital. I'd probably be volunteering at the John Curtin School of Medical Research, hopeful that some day someone might notice me and throw me a dollar. I'd probably still be a poor, ignorant, smelly, working-class yobbo with long hair, dirty clothes, and an Australian drawl - I'd still be the same Dave that I was 20 years ago. I might still be living with my mum and dad, except that my dad's been dead for more than a decade and my mum moved away years ago.
Do you know why California is the industrial powerhouse of America and one of the wealthiest places in the world? Because they don't futz around at their universities making bits of paper in obscure academic journals that hardly anyone reads. They apply science and they commercialize it. I know, it must seem incredible to you.
Well don't worry if those fires didn't take you out, there's still hope that this Coronavirus might do the job. In the meantime maybe you can make a difference by writing some journal articles, because we're going to need more toilet paper.
Haaahahahahaaaa!
- Dave Bad Person
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