Welcome to beautiful San Diego, a paradise for rich pretentious assholes who like following rules and conforming to the new bland normality of a city that's transformed itself from a beach and navy town at the edge of the empire, into a hub for the dry and stale personalities of military, engineering and science.
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There was repaving going on in my street a while ago. I drove home one night and as usual by 8pm there was no parking available in my inner city neighborhood, as has always been the case for the last 14 years I've lived there, because the City of San Diego does absolutely fucking nothing to fix the parking situation in this town. Just as they've done absolutely fucking nothing to fix the parking problem in San Diego's beach cities, which have been at 120% parking capacity for the entire 17 years I've lived in this city. Yet somehow the City of San Diego thought we needed another stupid stadium downtown, so the clowns at city hall could line their pockets and some rich asshole could get even richer.
Here's a clue City of San Diego: Dean Spanos can take his losing shit Chargers football team, and his stupid fucking stadium, and they can just fuck off, and so can you!
I do actually have a parking space at my condo's garage, but I try to avoid it because I have a big car and it doesn't fit well in the limited space there and just makes life difficult for people. So I try to be kind to my neighbors and try to park on the street whenever possible.
However on this night with the street paving going on and one end of my street blocked off, the usual nightmarish parking was now exacerbated to an impossible level. So I did what I often do, I used my "secret parking space", which is half a parking space on an odd corner that most people avoid because it's partly in a red curb. I parked my truck half in the red curb, as I sometimes do if I have to, and most of the time I get away with it.
I've parked in this little patch of red curb before and I've occasionally got tickets for it, but I always pay them immediately. I consider this the cost of having my "secret parking space". However this night I really had no choice because of the street paving. Next morning I had a ticket for being parked partly on a red curb. Really, City of San Diego?
Mind you, these are the same parking inspectors that have absolutely no power to enforce parking in the alleys behind the houses and apartment blocks in the inner city. Parking in the alleys looks exactly like parking in the back streets of Tijuana, a lawless free for all. I asked a couple of butch-dyke parking inspectors one time about this. I had to actually chase them down because they like to drive off if you approach them, the weak stupid cum buckets. I asked them if they could give this badly parked car in the alley a ticket. They told me I would need to call the police. I told them they were wearing uniforms that say "San Diego Police", and their shit little three-wheeled midget car they drive around in says "San Diego Police". So this doesn't mean they're police? They mumbled something and were vague and drove off. I noticed they didn't have guns on their hips, so I figure they're not actually law enforcement officers and are only marked as "Police" so people won't harass them for the shitty job they do, which is basically generating revenue by being parasites on law-abiding citizens most of the time.
So I appealed the ticket and asked City of San Diego Parking what kind of scum-sucking bottom-feeding algae eaters would give someone a parking ticket under such conditions with the road work going on?
After some weeks of procrastinating and masturbating in their ivory towers downtown, they responded that "Inconvenience or inability to park is no excuse for parking illegally". Yeah ok, so maybe you should poke your head out of your know-nothing do-nothing government job for a moment and come out to my neighborhood at 8pm some time and see how parking is here, dipshits!
Perhaps the City of San Diego Parking thinks that I shouldn't own a car if I'm going to live in the inner city? This is the same City of San Diego that recently relaxed construction permitting allowing less parking spaces in newly constructed apartment buildings, to ease the housing crisis that these incompetent City clowns created in the first place. Stupid hippies! This is the same City of San Diego that recently made plans for a cycle way along a nearby street, and promised angle parking would be put in along our wide street to make more parking spaces, yet no such parking ever materialized. The same City of San Diego that's done nothing to fix parking issues in the beach cities in nearly 20 years. The same City of San Diego that can't figure out to run the trolley lines to the beaches, Balboa Park, the zoo, Seaworld, etc.
Well anyway, fuck the City. I swore that if I ever got a parking ticket at my "secret parking space" I would paint that red curb gray, so I did. I had fun spray painting the curb gray. In five minutes I had done what the worthless stinking horse fuckers at City of San Diego Parking couldn't do in over a decade. You useless cunts!! Actually that's an insult to cunts because cunts are useful and they're not.
The only downside to spray painting the curb gray is that now I don't have my "secret parking space", because other people can now use it. See what a fucking criminal I am, I created a parking space for everyone to use?
So if you're reading this City of San Diego Parking, just know that I've painted a bunch of other red curbs in my neighborhood gray to create more parking spaces, while maintaining safe visibility at the street corners, and there's fuck-all you worthless clowns can do about it.
Oh and I also had to trim the tree at the corner of my street that was blocking the view and was a frequent cause of near-accidents at that corner. I had to do it because you didn't. You're welcome San Diego, the fee I'm charging for that tree trimming is, um, let me make up a number, $76, the same price as the red curb ticket you gave me, you cunts!
Finally, City of San Diego Parking, just to show my verbal love for how you keep our streets free of parking chaos by parasitizing on innocent people, I'd like to say that I hope you die slowly and horribly of cancer, and that your house burns down with you, and your family, and your dog in it. You're welcome, go fuck yourself.
-Dave Bad Person.
References
https://www.sandiego.gov/parking
San Diego Municipal Code, Chapter 8, Article 6, Division 1: General Parking Regulations. This states that parking in alleys isn't allowed unless signed. So the parking inspectors aren't actually doing their job and can be considered corrupt, but I'm ok with this since parking is so tight anyway.
You'll also notice there's no mention of "inconvenience and inability to park". Whatever bitches.
https://docs.sandiego.gov/municode/MuniCodeChapter08/Ch08Art06Division01.pdf
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